She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Houston, we have a blender
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
