We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
