everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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