Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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