best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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