I need help removing her.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
