we're making bets on your personal life
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
