Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
