dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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