i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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