Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
