remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
