I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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