i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
