Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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