i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
