I love black thongs
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
