So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
