No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
