she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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