I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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