i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
