I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
