Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
