the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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