So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
