Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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