you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
How's work?
Spinning.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
