I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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