I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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