I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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