He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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