May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
