Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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