So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
