your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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