Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
a search helicopter?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
