this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
