u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
