Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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