I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
