After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pants are for mortals
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
