You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
