If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
