well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i was born a porn star she said
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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