he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
