Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
