Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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