I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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