last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
