dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize