omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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