I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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