I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
