You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
