I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
