I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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