He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
