O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have fence marks all over my body
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize