Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
