Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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