Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
