Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
