youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize