I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Panties = found
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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