so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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