What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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