I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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